I Graduated Yesterday, Oh Circa 2000 (Revised)


Yesterday was my day off. So I decided to do something constructive, like bug SNU into giving me a degree. Why would I do that? Well I had 130 hours. It only takes 125 to graduate. So why wouldn't I?

First, they wanted me to join the Adult Studies Program. I would recieve 60 to 88 hours of credit for my college and "life experience." Then they would graciously let me pay them another $17,000 dollars to go thru the program. I already have enough hours to graduate. Why would I want to get another 36 hours?

Next, they wanted me to finish my original degree. Now to do this I needed 5 more hours in Psychology. I found this interesting because the last time I talked to them I only had 2 hours left. The time before that I only had 1 hour left. Interesting how those classes just seem to keep magically appearing. I guess they want another 17K one way or another.

I looked at the lady and said, "lets be honest." I have tried this 3 or 4 times now, and I don't think it will go any better this time. I just want a degree, and I want it today. What can you do? She printed of my transcript, and sent me to see the head of the Psych. dept. She said if I could figure out 3 areas that added up to 60 hours in 3000 and 4000 level class I could get a degree.

So I walk into my ol' prof's office, she is eating, and I think she almost choked on her food. It problem didn't help that I said, "Alright lets try this one more time." Then I explained my new plan. She signed the paper before I could even finish filling it out. I still needed the signature of the Soc. dept. head. After obtaining his signature, I figured I was good to go.

I take the paper back to the Registers Office. Thinking I am done. No. I am told the Dean of Academic Affairs has to sign off. I figure she won't go against two dept. heads, will she? Then I start thinking about that grade point avg. (I will not lament over not smelling the roses at the end of my life.) I never figured it up, and Dr. Stasser didn't either. Then I think, Dr. Banz (Dean) goes to my church. Hopefully she will recognize me, and sign it without really even checking. No. I don't even get to talk to her. The secretary takes the paper, and says I'll be called.

Today at 2:30pm I get the call. "Your paper work is being processed, and your diploma is in the mail." The diploma will be back dated to at least Y2K.

I got out without paying another dime. I can't effen believe it. It is a freakin' miracle.